Friday, May 29, 2009

Mad Week

This past week has been completely crazy with so much going on that I have been fighting back tears on a daily basis which is what happens when I feel overwhelmed.

I feel as though I have been constantly chasing my tail all week trying to get caught up, and of course I haven't. The house is still a mess, and so is the yard, and I didn't get most of the things done that I had planned to do last weekend.

I ended up returning the Roundup, partly because I couldn't face the enormity of the task at hand, and partly because it just didn't feel right to use it. (The snarky comments I got about it, and chose not to publish didn't help, although honestly they were right on the mark). I have now resigned myself to digging sections of the bermuda grass up in stages as I dig out more beds, and xeriscape, very slowly. I heard from a woman in my permaculture group who said she dug out all her bermuda grass and it took seven years! I hope that it doesn't take me that long because I am hoping in seven years to be living in Oregon, but I also don't see the harm in slowing down a little, and not making myself, (and my family), so crazy.

I actually had a major aha moment a few days ago when I realized that I don't need to get EVERYTHING done, right NOW. I don't need to landscape our backyard, dig out more beds, paint the garden wall, build a chicken coop, maintain the veggie garden, and finish the front door, (although that is very nearly done), NOW! I mean there are of course things that I do need to keep up with on a daily basis, like caring for and feeding my family and pets, keeping things reasonably clean and tidy, working, and keeping up with the assignments for my statistics class. The other stuff, well it can wait, or be done very slowly. I know this sounds obvious, but for some reason I have been losing sight of this the past few months, and I have been making myself very stressed as a result. Silly really the things we do to ourselves.

On a side note, This story made me cry this morning for so many reasons that I don't really need to go into because they speak for themselves.

I missed this past weeks Independence days update because Monday was an especially crazy day, but I will do an update next week for two weeks instead. For now here are some pictures of food that has been coming out of the garden recently. We have been eating really well, lots of lovely veggies, and that is an achievement in itself right now I guess.


Gail - Fort Rock Glimpses said...

Oh must treat yourself more kindly from now on. I truly understand how you feel and how tightly wound you must be with all those "things" that MUST be done. In the scheme of things...what do they matter? I remember when I had a meltdown during a graduate statistics class. I had flunked a test and was beside myself with shame and recrimination. The assistant teacher took me to one side and said, "what will it matter in 20 years?" Not a damn thing! was my reply. And it is true. It hasn't mattered one iota. What is important is to do the best you can within REASON. Blow off the criticism that comes your way. And enjoy the sweet things that come to us on a daily basis. Stop and smell the roses. Breathe deeply. Cut yourself some slack. You are a wonderful, caring person. I can tell that by your blog. Don't worry about trying to impress anyone else. Your wonderful harvest pictures make me drool with anticipation of my future harvest. Go eat one of your mouth watering tomatoes and watch a sunset and feel proud of yourself. I'm very proud of you.

Mo said...

Dearest Gail, thank you! What lovely, kind words that make me feel so much better. I am so lucky to have you as one of by blogging buddies. Perhaps in the future when we live in Bend, and are closer to you, we can become more than that! Thank you. xx

fullfreezer said...

Mo- I understand completely where you are coming from. I, too, am struggling with trying to get everything done at once.
As for the Roundup. I succumbed to using it recently, even though I know there are better solutions. I just don't have the time right now for the better solutions and I really don't care if others think less of me because of it. I wouldn't have cared one way or the other if you had used it. It is a tool- nothing more or less.
Your veggies look lovely- I'm so jealous, mine are still tiny.

Mo said...

Thank you Judy! I don't know why I care so much what others think about the Roundup, except that this is supposed to be a "green" blog, and I do try to live that way, though in many areas I still fall short.

It is so good to read your blog and know that I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed at times though if I had to do all that you do I think I would take to my bed. xx

Amy said...

Not that it helps much, but I too feel overwhelmed and on the verge of tears most days.

I can totally relate to your feeling as if you have a bazillion things to do and only 20 seconds or so to do them in.

I hope we both get a big dose of R&R this weekend so we can start out next week with a fresh, new perspective. (Although, between you and me this weekend has been anything but restful or relaxing for me. Ah, well maybe tomorrow will be better.)

Mo said...

Amy, lets try to chat tomorrow. I get off work at 1200 noon and will call you!

bodaat said...

I want to:
- redo the garden
- get a patio set
- paint a painting for the living room
- organize our photos
- fill a wall with all of our photos
- repaint the den...

The list goes on and on! I feel your pain!! Just one thing at a time or if you're like me...don't do any of it at all! hahaha! I'm bad. :) love ya lots MoMo. I hope this week goes better for you. I can come over and give you a giant hug if you need it.

Dawn Hill said...

Mo, I'm mad as a hornet! Those selfrighteous @-holes who tormented you about using roundup would use it themselves if they were confronted with our extraordinarily deep-rooted desert-growing weeds. I recommend that you keep a gallon of Roundup on hand. It will take two sprayings to get rid of the bermuda grass. Any roundup you spray will be broken down by the sun in a few days. Dig some, spray the worst. It's all well and swell to be green, but there is such a thing as being pointlessly, self-abusively green. You are a busy mother of two! You have better things to do with your time besides digging bermuda grass in the hot desert sun. No doubt the jerks who want you out there digging are enjoying temperatures in the 70s. P.S. You don't have to open yourself up to more abuse by blogging about it either. And you don't have to publish this comment either. I just get very worked up at people like your critics who are so pleased with themselves for causing another person "blood, sweat and tears".

Mo said...

Love ya lots too BoBo! Sorry I wasn't in better form on Monday! Can't wait to see you again soon.

Dear Dawn, your indignance on my behalf made me laugh out loud! :):)

Thank you for expressing the way so well that I should be feeling over this, and for putting it into perspective! I appreciate you very much. I am actually at the point of not caring too much about it at the moment, and am choosing to see the progress I have made, not that which I haven't. x

bodaat said...

oh i like what dawn hill has to say! amen sister!!