Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Smell of the Earth

It is a funny thing. This past week, after receiving such awful news I have thought of nothing else. I am still carrying on with my day to day routine, but I feel like I am in another world, as if I am just going through the motions. I can't tune out the reality of what is happening however hard I try, and to be honest I am not sure I should be trying. I think this is what I need to do right now so that I can start to process it, and try to find a place in my mind and my heart that understands why these things happen, if there even is such a place.

I spent some time outside this morning, picking produce, and weeding, and pottering around the garden. I enjoyed feeling the warm sun, and smelling the earth, and I felt grateful that I can. It made me feel more grounded in a way, a little less uncertain and scared of what lies ahead, although I am still uncertain and scared of what lies ahead.

I want so much to do something, to help in some way, and yet I know that ultimately I can't. All I can do is be here, and do what I do, and keep on going so that I can try to be ready for what lies ahead.


Lucy Corrander said...

One can tell the tangle you are in by the way you write.

Can do even less for you than you can do for your cousin - but will be thinking of you, none the less.

You are harvesting - parts of England are sinking.

Where I live it is lots of rain and wind but not floods. We are fortunate in many ways.

Do hope good news is possible for your cousin - and that such good news comes.

Best wishes.

Oh, I do hope things work out and that you do not get too distressed.


Mid-life Midwife, CPM said...

(((hugs to you)))

Amber said...

I am thinking of you Mo. Blessings

Amanda said...

Sorry to hear that your cousin is so ill, but I'm glad that you are finding some comfort in the garden (and I'm sure in caring for your immediate family, too). All these simple day-to-day things are helping you come to terms with the new reality, which has got to be a good thing, however grim that reality seems to be.

Gail - Fort Rock Glimpses said...

Mo, so sorry to hear about your cousin. She must be very loved by you which is a blessing. Your kind, caring heart really shows. All we can do at times like this is to love and pray...which is really a lot. Take care...hugs to you.

My Edible Yard said...

Glad your garden brings you happiness.