I am supposed to be sleeping. It is past midnight and I am exhausted but I can't sleep. We returned from a ten day trip to Canada today, visiting my family, and especially my cousin, the one who is sick.
I haven't written here about what she is sick with, mainly because I still can't really come to terms with the awfulness of it all and believe that it is happening, and a little because I struggle to write about my emotions here.
My cousin has ALS. I am sure it is clear to everyone that this has been completely devastating for her, and for her family, and yet she is so strong, and I am completely in awe of her. I really don't know what else to say except that I am so glad that we got a chance to spend time with her. I hope that I will see her again very soon.
I am due to take the girls up to the White Mountains for two weeks on Sunday. It is a trip that has been planned for a year, long before I knew about my cousin. Right now the prospect of doing everything I need to do to get us ready makes me feel exhausted, and yet not apparently exhausted enough for me to sleep.
So, I think I will try to read for a while, and try to stop my mind from churning round and round endlessly. I don't know what else to do.