I was away last week visiting with my cousin in Vancouver. I got home last night full of emotion for so many reasons, not least of which had to do with the 9-11 anniversary yesterday.
I have so many feelings about my visit. My cousin continues to be very brave in the face of all that she is dealing with but each time I see her I sense a change in her eyes, and I see the toll this dreadful disease is taking on her. I love going there and being with her, and yet it tears at my heart to see her this way and to watch what she has to endure each day. I know that she doesn't want anyone to pity her, or to be sad around her and so I managed to keep it all inside until I saw my beautiful girls at the airport. Then I lost it for just a little while.
Now I am home and I feel so torn. I am happy to be home and yet I am so sad to be away from her too, uncertain of what I will find the next time I go. No one should have to go through what she and her family are going through right now and I can't make any kind of sense of it all.